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2014, I am sorry I haven't wrote to you sooner. Things have been kind of busy lately. Well for the most part of the year really. However I'm more than disappointed in myself. I always say in every blog that I will write more.. and every blog seems to be a couple of months apart. It seem's that I've failed on my own promises. Funny that though, because aren't all promises made because there is a risk of it being broken? Anyway getting off topic, AS USUAL!

This is my first 2014 blog. May be my last, may not be. I shall stop giving false hope and say that I'm not sure when my next blog will be after this one. Maybe then I won't be so disappointed with myself if you see another blog pop up 5 years down the line. I'm sure that wouldn't happen anyway.
I'd like to express something. Not sure whether It means anything but I will try and explain.

I'm now in my second year of university, exciting right? I mean It must be.. being able to carry something that you've worked so hard for, on your own should be exciting? Hmm, maybe.. But yes, second year! Moved into my new flat with 4 other house mates. It's not too shabby and will do for the most part of my second year. It's got 5 rooms, kitchen, bathroom, no lounge though, that sucks! However It's nice having a place that Isn't on campus.

I'm real sorry this blog seems all over the place, and that's because it is, how can I put this into words? Too many adventures have happened since we last spoke and I'm not sure that everything needs to be said. I mean past is past right? It's memories though.. some amazing memories that will stay for a life time.

As you're up to date now, I will continue the blog on real terms.
Have I ever told you that I absolutely love games? It's a real bad.. good habit of mine, of course apart from Photography, which is my hobby.. my craft.. my future.. But games! Who doesn't love them?

I'm a real nerd, I'm not the story kind of gamer, I'm the intense rush in got to finish everything before it beats me gamer.. The tank if you so wish. But if I met anyone my first conversation would go like .. "I'm Meg, and I play games" Some people don't understand games though, or gamers at all really. It's not about locking yourself away from the real world, it's about losing yourself in something you love. It's not about forgetting that real people exist and just never talking to anyone, because infact, I've talked to more people online gaming than I probably would have ever outside. 

So what does that tell you? Hmm.. but some people really don't understand gamers, they see it as a waste of life.. Well yes.. maybe.. but I don't see it as that. Do what you love and you will go places. Do what you hate and where will that get you? Misjudge me all you will but gamers are the most friendliest people going, and the most maddest, but if you get struck by a mad gamer.. their real life habits tend to be pretty intensely mad too. be careful, not everyone is as kind as you think they are over the internet. But that's the internet for you, full of surprises.

So I guess that's another thing my blog has learn't about me tonight. I've never really thought of mentioning it, but it has become a big part of me now, and if people can't accept it well.. they know how to log out.. oops I mean, where the door is.

This blogs going to be cut short as It's currently 3:22am and I'm rather tired. Hey no promises this time, but keep your head up high and tell everyone you're making it!

All the love in the world,
Meg,
and as always..
Peaceskies <3

x

A Happy Student

Well, I did it! I got into university and I don't think I've ever been so proud of myself! I worked so hard for the past 3 years at college, I did a 3rd year because I really wanted to do something with myself, and I found an ability that I was good at!

So now I'm studying Photography BA (Hons) at the University of Creative Arts. It's very nice here, although very expensive and posh!

I also am very happy, I look at life so differently as I did before. And now I'm ready to dig deep and really find the meaning.

Now for a little bit of sadness, My grandmother recently passed away, (10/09/13) It was very peaceful, and although amongst the pain, It brought great relief to everyone in the family that she wasn't suffering any more. I'm so glad she got to see me reach my goal, she got to know that I got into university. And still at the very end, she cared and worried about others more than she did herself. She requested that I have her suede sheep coat (from the 1950's+) It's so warm and I can't wait for winter to kick in to wear it! I love you nan <3

I know I said I will write more, and I will, not only for you, but for myself! 

Much love, 

Meg,

Peaceskies. 

<3 xox

One thing at a time..

Well it's now fully fledged into the year hasn't it? Can't believe how fast it is going! I'm soon to be going to university to study Photography as a degree, It doesn't feel real! Although I have to get my results yet ;)

I'm getting really serious about this whole photography thing now, I really want to do something with my life and even though this road I'm going down is one of the hardest professions to get into, you have to rely on others to like your work and be willing to pay for it! I hope it PAYS off!

On the other hand...

This is a horrible thing, affecting yet another member of my family. Anyone who is going through this I share my love and peace. 

P.S: I swear I will write more!

It's all about the money.

Money, £, $, MONEY! 

In for the change.

Well, as it's a new year I'd thought I will update this, and I am going to try and post a blog at least once a week! Maybe every Monday .. Anyway I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year send off. I spent It with my Mum and Nan.. It was the first Christmas without my Grandad, It felt ever so weird and strange with doing less and being with less people, although I did have to make the Christmas dinner with my Nan as my mum was working till 2pm, and no i did not burn it!! It actually turned out lovely. By the end of the day I had won £3 with playing deal or no deal board game, though I won't tell my Nan or Mum that i actually followed the £100,000 box around and chose the right one, ;)

2012 brought lots of pain and loss, with the death of my Grandad (forever rest in peace) on the 10th of Jan, which is close to a year and It still doesn't feel real. Amongst this I started college for my 3rd year, had to start new classes, meet new people all over again, and I think I'm nearly ready to go to Uni, however I have a very simplistic brain and I'll probably get more stressed and confused before i even get accepted into Uni let alone start.. But that's for me to worry about over the summer whilst waiting for results! From now on I'll have to put double effort in everything I do to really achieve what I want. 2012 also brought new oppotunites and experiences, however I'm stuck with the old, it's comfortable and I truly wouldn't want to change what I have and don't have.

2013 - Bringing it all to one, this is the year I'm going to finally be able to start experiencing a new perspective on life, with finishing college (FINALLY!!) and hopefully going to UNI to study Photography as an degree. Wishing to move away from home and family will be hard, but I want to widen my horizons and become independent, as I fear if I never leave this place, I will never change.  I'm worried that if I'm never fully alone, with no help and no one to turn to I'll always be hanging on by other people and never be my true  self.

As well as Uni prospects, I wish to finally get a job (Yes you may call me a bum, but I have been in education, and I've never really needed the money). I want to create an actual real life and become the person I want to be. To look different, and to be able to do all the things I couldn't do without getting too far into it.

Anyway, I'm really hoping that this year will be the big one, the life changer and the one to bring happiness and life back into me.

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2013 with many more years to come!

Live, Laugh, Love.

Peaceskies <3

I'm feeling like this could be it.

I've found it, I've finally found it! All along and it was there just waiting to come out. Happiness, I've found it and I'm never letting go.

Moving like a balloon

Explanation: A balloon either falls to the floor, eventually deflates or is popped which leaves nothing but the outside remains of the balloon itself. Or it floats up and gradually reaches its highest peak until it can't go any further and just pops. - The meaning of this is that what goes up must come down.

So, what does this exactly mean Meg? Well, it can mean whatever you wish it to mean. I can't tell you to believe or do anything, but I can persuade you. That's a trick worth learning, because without it, I don't think you'd survive.

Now either you reach your lowest point in life (which basically is when you die, because nothing could possibly be worse than that? Right? ) Well no, but you think it is, ok now that I’ve told you that nothing is worse than being dead, I bet that 1 million reasons for saying "that’s not true" comes to mind. Yes, well done you've gained access to part 2 of being a balloon, strange huh? I'm saying that you start off as a baby, grow up in a situation, reach a point where you think 'fuck this' and i'm telling you, EVERYONE reaches this point, because nothing can be perfect, even the rich little kids that get everything can fall over into a bush full of nettles and be scared for life (yes this happened to me, however at this point I was wealthy, well my parents were.)

Right so at this point I bet you're wondering where this is leading? Well me too.. I'm writing this as it comes to mind, nothing is planned. So now that we've all gathered we were once a baby and money is an object, we can start to gain access to part 3. Yes! Isn't this fun? Part 3 of a balloon.. you begin to aim higher and higher in life, going through many changes in emotions, decisions when eventually you're at the peak, BANG! Oh? whats that? Yes you've popped, and gained access to the real life you should have been living while you were floating up high to reach this moment.

Well done!

If you got none of this, I’ll allow you to be taught one thing at the very end. Nothing can be as good as it can be until you realise that there is never an end to success, If you fall (pop) get that ass back up again and move on to something better!

Life is only as good as you make it.

Peace Keys <3 P/s hope you liked the game, but never be a balloon, you always loose that air that keeps you up.

I've finished... Or have I?

(Been a long time coming, but here it is.)  Yes I've finished my two years at 'good old' college, and after working out what I want to do with my life.. Well I've decided I need more time figuring out this, I mean theres so many things I would love to do but unfortunately, most of it is a bit extreme and I frankly don't have the brains for it. So I guess my solution is to go back to college for a 3rd year and work hard for another year to gain more UCAS points (grades) to be within a chance of getting into UNI. As that is my main goal, I reckon the longer I stay within the education system that I will buy (literally) more time with what i choose to do. 

I really should get back into this.. and I will!

Peace keys <3

Gettin' Down to Business

So I have my A-Level exams coming up and I'm still not sure on how I will do. I mean I'm aware of all my subjects and what I have to revise and remember, just that my brain cannot fully function! But I think thats just nerves and what have you. But i really want to make a go of it, i didn't spend my whole life in education to come out at the end worse off than i thought i would be. I think it's because I have so many things I would like to do, which I can't find one specific subject i love and would like to take into my future.

For example; I would love to be a perfessional photographer, however you need money for the equipment and skills I just can't seem to get the jist of. I mean i take alot of good photographs, but I just would like to be able to have one of those fancy cameras and be able to travel to the places I love to take photographs at.

I also would love to be an indepth Geographer/Geologist, not specificly a teacher, as I can't handle kids or people for that matter. But Iwould love to know everything in the world, where things are, how things happen, ectect. This takes huge amount of paitence and understanding and knowledge I just can't handle.

I have began to like journalisim too, which I think fits in well with how much I like photography, it would help alot and one of the main reasons I do Blogs is to see how well I can write and be able to capture attention with words. It would take alot of courage and disadvantages to get into this kind of business but I think I would enjoy it, and that's what life is about. If you don't enjoy your life and what you do in it, then I don't think you could fully enjoy anything you do.

I guess if I want to persue my deams and goals I will have to work extremely hard for them, like everyone else does. I just wish things could be as simple and easy as they are on paper.

Oh My Days

I really don't understand people these days. They either can make you really happy or just really upset and angry! I can't help but feel so much remorse for these people! And I just don't know whether I can take it. My emotions run high 24/7 and I have no control over falling apart over something so so so stupid! I mean I was even watching the film Wall-e and I cried! 

Why do some people have no idea how they make over people feel? Either they are totally oblivious to it or they just know having resentment is the best way to feel about these things. I want to know why people can have such a hold over someone and not know that they are destroying every last inch if their bones! 

My head is all over the place, and with people treating me like I'm nothing better than something you tred on then what's the point in trying to make it work? The most awful thing about it all is that it seems to be all my fault. Because I'm apparently such a bad person and because I have maybe more issues than some other 'sane' person that I can't be perfect like apparently everyone else but me is. 

Sorry for the rant! I can't sleep and I'm filling up with anger every second that people don't realize whats happening. Tarra! Peace keys <3

Why we do what we do

I suppose the title of this needs explaining. Well why do we do what we do? Meaning, why do we lie, cheat, love, lust, everything under the sun that compells us to do the things we do. Now instead of repeating the words ' Why we do what we do' i'm going to narrow it down so it's not so repetative to #WWDWWD if that makes sense?


To start off with: Telling blatant L I E S.


Well this can mean many of things. But to make it more simple. Why do we lie? I don't think theres any explaination of #WWDWWD that can come into this but when we think of lies, we often come to conclusion of that person is not TRUSTworthy. Not true! Some people lie because it's the only way of not telling the truth, as telling the truth is easy. Now i'm not saying that lies are much appreciated, but take for example you needed to lie because the truth would hurt not only the person your telling it too, but yourself aswell. Then theres a thought of, why not tell the truth so you both can be uplifted of the lie. Well yes sometimes that is better, but no-one can say a lie isn't worth telling. Truth and Lies can mean so much that both can be easier or harder to portray. But when it comes down to it, lieing is the easest way to get yourself out of the trouble that you are in. But telling the truth may reveal some terrible things, but once out in the open it's much easier to live with the truth than to live with a lie.


To make this un-gloomy, i'll second this off with: Why do we love?


Now i've wrote about love many times in my blog, either some bad or good. But either way Love is a word i prefer to use less often as i possibly can. Because Love can either make or break someones life, but there is a road to Love where at the end there is what some people call ' the light in love'. So theres me thinking could it actually be a word that can mean nothing and everything. People can Love for all types of reasons, just for the plain reason of loving someone because your heart overpowers your mind, or a reason of loving for money ect.. But Love can entitle a rollercoaster of rides. Yes i know very petty. And yes, i think to a certain extent i can love and i do love. But when can you tell that what you know and feel is actually LOVE? Well you don't.. because throughout your life, i'm sure of this, that you will love, you will get your heart broken multipul times, until you find the 'one'. And i'm totally sure that 'the one' may have come and gone in your life. But even if you spend 25 years living together, having kids and all the rest. Love can deteriorate just with a blink of an eye. So does that mean the 'end'? NO! ofcourse it doesn't! there's plently more time for you to fall in love, just don't think that the 'end' is the end, because there are bigger and better things in life to fall for, like PIGS! ha.


Going off topic seems to be my key inspiration in these blogs, but as i have said before, and i will over and over AND OVER again! Topics can spiral into many other things.


This blog is very long winded, and i'm not sure if you have read it all but if your reading this, THANK YOU! I love sharing things on here, and one day when i'm much MUCH older i will read these probably thinking ' WHAT IS THIS? but i will know that one day i felt like writing about all these things, and come to understand what a hectic life i had when i was in my teens, and what i went through and what i felt!


Once again thank you for reading. And i'm sure i will be posting more blogs when i have much more time to concentrate on my feelings. But that's difficult as i have so many. And i could literally write all day, time would past by and i wouldn't even think of it. Just like now..


Peacekeys <3 (p/s my next blog won't be so long!)

One Little Thing

Have you ever read something that killed you inside? Like a text message or someone's status. Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something you didn't want to read. Or found out something you were better off not knowing. It's almost as if it was posted just to purposely hurt you. But you constantly read it over and over again to torture yourself. It sucks how one little thing can ruin your whole day.

Megan White Wales - Pembrokeshire

Megan White Wales - Pembrokeshire

It works like this..

I want to be able to come here and not be forced into wiritng something about me or my life, yet everytime I have something to say about either of the two, then I drift away into many things which is actually wrong, well not this time.


For the first time in a while, I've actually started enjoying doing things, maybe it's because I've 'seen the light' and moved on from everything, but then again I still have moments where I think my life could be much more better, or much more worse for that matter. I feel renewed and as I'm concerntrating on my College work and my future more than rather looking back into my past. I think thats whats been stopping me, always looking into my past for answers, which has stopped me from getting on with my future. Well now I feel like this I reckon, I could spiral into a new beginning.


After all thats happened, I finally think about what could happen and what is happening. Concerntrating on much more important stuff rather than dwelling on things that are going wrong, but focusing on the moments that go right (for a change). And i think it's because I'm acutally enjoying doing things rather than doing what I used to do, and concerntrating on myself ( even though that may seem selfish) but I've always concerntrated on the other person rather than me. Selfish isn't a bad thing sometimes, It's good to have a little self control over yourself, rather than everyone else.


Yes I know I've gone into that stage again, talking about myself, but it's my blogs! ha. Anyway the moral of this is that I feel like a change is coming along, and I can't wait to feel even more happy!


Peace Keys <3

The on going problem, no one seems to know..

We really don't know how lucky we are... Even the richest country in the world (America) have poor people that go without everything a poor person in the UK goes without. For example; we don't have to pay for our healthcare, and when we do, it's not putting a massive £20,000 hole in our pockets. The Government say that over 96% of poor people say that theres not 1 day they went hungry during an annual, but that doesnt mean to count out the other 4% which live in flash flood tunnels, having to eat rats for tea don't go hungry. "Poor people have more than we do, with there HD tv's, ect" This is true however, when can you say that you've never not been hungry or been so ill and not been cured? People have so many different opinions on society but no one gets heard. I feel so sorry for our growing population to never get what once was good.


The President of the US - Obama, well in 2009 he said he would change the US class states, allowing the bottom class to be treated like the middle class, however now in 2012 little has been done, and even more people from the beginning of 2009 are out of work and are uninsured with health care what so ever this percentage has been doubled. The Government now say that during 2013-14 will be the years of changing. But that might be too late! The conference taken by the CNN was debating whether or not to let someone in a coma die because he had no health cover for what he needed, many of the audience shouted ' LET HIM DIE', Not one of them said to let him live, so has this what it has come to? Amercians would let fellow Americans die because they have no Health cover to pay for life?

This is totally sickening, even for being a British Citizen and having let even a richer country other than the UK let things get to that extreme measure. No one should have that right, Health care all over the world should be free! I'm sure you can make money off of other things rather letting people die, Yes poorly developed countries such as Africa, well they dont have the money or the development skills to let healthcare be such a big issue, but when countries which have a income of much more than even the UK has and we survive with FREE healthcare, then surely such a big country like America can up hold this.

Rant over, but this is mainly why alot of people HATE America, amongst other probems, but it's one of my main reasons. There's lots of things to love, but adding up the pro's and con's can be difficult.

Peace keys <3

In another life

Promises we either break or keep or even take back to those who do not deserve them anymore. But i don't think anyone, not even yourself should feel like you have to deal with something because if you don't, you're scared of what might happen, should we let people control us like that?

No, in a way people should never have a hold over us, to make us feel scared. In any curcumstance you may be in, or find yourself that you personally are not happy with the way you are being pushed about then only you can make it stop. Even if the outcome leaves you as one of those crazy people with millions of cats, atleast you'll be happy knowing that you weren't being forced by through life hanging on a piece of string. 

 I like to think that not all people want to be a leader, some want to follow aswell,  behind closed doors of a church only they know what really goes on. The confession box, now i've never really got the point of this, so what? People go in, confess their sins, then leave? But the old guy behind the wooden see-through window can see them? Huh? That's one thing i'll never get, or maybe that's just in the movies and it's not actually like that in real life? I'm not sure, but if i have any sins to confess i won't be going to tell the big G- O- D.


This wasn't mean't to turn all reglious but when i start typing and thinking, i'll end up not knowing half of what i say. Anyway, the whole point of this blog is to ask a question, and even though you can't answer to me exactly, but it's mostly for yourself to think about.


Question -  What would you do different if you were given a second shot at life?


My answer - Well no one really knows what happens when you die, or what happens after, is any such thing as after? But any how, i know i'm still only young and yet 4 days till i'm offically an adult being 18, well i would change how my childhood effects what i am today, even though i'm much stronger than i was when i was 12, but going through alot i would make sure that my little 12 year old self stood up against people that disliked me for many reasons, and made sure that what ever happened i would be my happy little self and enjoyed my happy moments and not dwell on the sad. I'm not sure what you would do, given take you're older, the same age, or even younger. I'm sure there would be one thing you would do different. I would make sure that no matter what, i would be myself and not change for anyone.


<3

Moving on

Well lately i've been such a mess, i've been wondering what track to next take in my life. With having alot of stress from home with my grandad being ill then passing, and many other things, also with exams from college and so much work to be due in, finally have passed and now sorting out my future seems more clearer.


Even though everyone hates being alone, and yes i do too, but this year i think the big four letter word is going to be at the bottom of my list, i've had to many hearts broken to find another one to crack. It's time to sort myself out before i dive in for more. Even though it still hurts i think it's for the best to concentrate on my future than worrying about problems that should not be an issue.


Well i've decided to do a third year at college, even though my plan was to have a gap year, but i thought why wait a year to decide something that i know now? Well i've been put on courses that may help and i'm sure will help me for my future plan. One is to create a portfolio for Uni of all my photographs that are top notch, i also want to prove to people that i can go somewhere and actually do things for myself. It all depends on how well i do within the next months, i've recently been skipping alot of college, i don't know why i just haven't been that motivated to go in, but i'm slowly getting back into it.


While these blogs may seem a bit personal and detailed, but these help me to express and when i look back at these i can relate to what i was and am feeling at the time, these aren't for you to read, but for me also.


Life taught me to die, but i will live with a fight <3

Scars and Stories.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost you witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wana scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know 

Cannonball - Damien Rice

In his final resting place, Peace.

10.01.2012 - the day the most proudest, wonderfulest, kindest, sweetest man to ever have lived, died.

Forever loved, Grandad, Dad, Uncle, Brother and Son. <3

To be edited.

What is Normal?

Well i'd thought i'd start off with what my Blog is called. What is Normal? Now everyone knows or should know that Normal is just a word that many people ask either themselves or others, to understand why things are different. I understand, but what really bugs me is that, why do people consider themself to be in a 'normal' category when no one really knows what Normal can be. Everyone is different, in there own little way, even twins have unique features.


I thought i'd call it this as throughout my years of understanding what life is and what is different, and what is considered to be actually normal i have found out that not many people ask or try to find out what can actually be normal? is there any such thing?


I know i'm only 17, but i have so much to learn about life and people. And i think the sooner people realise that everyone is not perfect,either ugly,fat, thin, pretty, all these words to describe a person. Not even knowing them and putting a label on people, like they know exaclty what someone else is. Well one day people will have to understand that just because they haven't got a great figure, or the beauty spot that every boy/girl dreams of, doesn't give you the right to tag others on how they look or dress.


Meg White, Blogging #1 - Many more to come!

 THIS IS AN EDIT FROM MY VERY FIRST BLOG, IT WENT WRONG SO HAD TO POST IT AGAIN. =[